Treating Couples with Issues of Narcissism
Informed by the science informed model, Schema Therapy, along with other proven models for treating couples, there is some consensus that core unmet emotional needs can lead to maladaptive life themes (schemas) and self-defeating coping behaviors. The selection of a primary partner might often be informed by maladaptive (schema) chemistry, which involves choosing someone (unknowingly) who replicates a familiar negative early childhood experience with a significant caregiver. The landscape of the romantic relationship is such that this chosen someone may, at first, appear to be the one who will fulfill a lifelong void of personal acceptance, connection, stability, loyalty, and protection. The relationship can become fertile soil for the activation of longings and needs unfulfilled; with schema triggering, conflict escalations, detachment, and violations of trust, creating deeper fractures in attachment and intimacy.
Dealing with issues of narcissism in the intimate relationship poses an even greater challenge in the treatment room, where the narcissist’s typical devaluing, approval-seeking, entitled, controlling, “victim/martyr”, and passive-aggressive reactions, are often paired with a partner who is burdened by the challenges of self-doubt, self-diminishment, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. Narcissists are notorious for denial, defensiveness, devaluation, and defiantly detached reactions when confronted about their hurtful contributions to the relationship. Restoring trust and intimacy can seem like an overwhelming and insurmountable endeavor.
Unlike most other approaches to couple’s treatment, schema therapy offers a protocol that does not insist on exclusive conjoint work. This approach appreciates the value of flexibility where individual and conjoint treatment are part of an intermittent and integrated plan.
Wendy Behary, Author/Expert
Disarming the Narcissist, 3rd Edition / Top Book on narcissism and top Therapist Recommended book, by Oprah Daily
https://disarmingthenarcissist.com/
Speaker
Wendy Behary
